December is the worst month

[enemyofperfect]

For me. I don't feel any particular resentment towards the season; in fact, I spend a fair amount of it not feeling much of anything at all. Emotions require energy, is the thing, and I'm in very short supply of that. In a way it's freeing: at other times of year, when I think of something I might do, it exists as an actual possibility, with all the potential for anxiety and guilt that that entails, but now I just think, ahahahahaha -- no, and tell myself to hold that thought until I am no longer living in a light-starved hell.

Yesterday I ate a chocolate bar, which is notable because doing so required me to first open the wrapper, something which in the preceding days I had not found the wherewithal to do.

I promise you that this is very funny when you are the person living it.

I do actually have some energy. My shoulders ache from snow shoveling, which is good, because I got that ache being very careful about my technique so as to avoid wrenching my back. I spent a couple of hours rolling around in a wonderful horrible new plotbunny today -- I'm not going to write it, but it's good to know that at least my ideas haven't dried up. I even, unrelatedly, managed to make someone laugh.

I keep thinking of posts I might make -- about recent events on Person of Interest; about the fact that Almost Human is eating my brain; and then there's one I really do want to write someday, even if it's in a very disorganized fashion, about some of the zillion and one largely disparate factors that seem to contribute to whether a given story is judged "good" -- but I guess I'm making this one instead.

(Edited to capitalize the last word of Person of Interest. Oh touchscreen keyboard, don't you know it's unkind to kick a person when they're down?)

Comments

[hedda62]

*sends hugs*

And: I promise you that this is very funny when you are the person living it. Yeah, been there. I'm not sure if the detachment that allows the sense of humor is a good thing, but I suspect it is, in the end.

[enemyofperfect]

*receives hugs gratefully and sends some in return*

I'm fairly sure that detachment with humor is better than just the detachment, at any rate. *wry*

[violsva]

I promise you that this is very funny when you are the person living it.

It's so nice to know I'm not the only one with that kind of humour about my own mental illness. Mostly it only makes sense in my own head, and it tends to worry people if I try to say it out loud.

*hugs*

[enemyofperfect]

True fact, I had to learn that this style of humor is not necessarily self-evident. Seemingly, my instincts for how other people might react go a bit awry at times like this.

*hugs*

[emef]

Yay careful shovelling? Also yay post?

[enemyofperfect]

Yay supportive comments. <3

[catharsis_logs]

Ugh, December feels for sure. Glad it's almost over? (but then we have to deal with the New Year. Which honestly, isn't as bad a Christmas *sigh*)

*hugs* I'm sorry the depression is hitting you hard.
(I find also that when the time changes, and it gets dark earlier, I get really screwed up mentally and physically.)

*hugs again* I hope you had a reasonable Christmas. :)

[enemyofperfect]

*HUGS* I am so glad that the days are getting longer now, seriously. (I totally have a hard time when daylight saving time ends, too!) I'm also very relieved that to have gotten through Christmas without major mishap -- actually, I might even go so far as to say that Christmas went well for me? Which is incredibly strange. Although not bad!

How was your Christmas -- reasonable enough, I hope? I'm not really looking forward to New Year's, either, but I agree that Christmas is the bigger hurdle, so congratulations on surviving it, at the very least. :)

[catharsis_logs]

Aw, I'm glad Christmas went well for you!

My Christmas was okay, I was a little stressed out leading up to it, but it was fine. Getting a new car radio tomorrow (which I desperately need)!

I'm... a little antsy for New Years, simply because if I go back to the dorm for new years (and I have to be there on the 31st at least) my friends are gonna probably want to drink and party, and I don't really do either. :)

[enemyofperfect]

I'm glad your Christmas was okay; I hope your New Year's Eve is too! I am about the farthest possible thing from a party animal, so I entirely sympathize with your lack of interest in the traditional way of celebrating the date.

[catharsis_logs]

Yeah, I'm gonna stay home tomorrow. :) I'm gonna go get my shot in a place that is only 45 minutes away instead of 1 hr 30 min away. I might also buy something alcoholic(probably not tho) and then find something funny to watch on Netflix. I figure if I watch something funny while also being buzzed only good things can happen?

(are you drinking age? I realize that I don't know.)

[enemyofperfect]

Heh, yeah, I've been legal to drink for a while now; I just never do. Maybe someday I'll try it just to see what it's like, but I think I might not be cut out for it.

Staying home for a fun but quiet evening sounds perfect to me. I haven't even thought about my plans; I guess I'll probably just treat it like any other night. Which is basically my ideal. :)