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enemyofperfect) wrote2013-12-17 06:10 am
enemyofperfect) wrote2013-12-17 06:10 am
Entry tags:
December is the worst month
For me. I don't feel any particular resentment towards the season; in fact, I spend a fair amount of it not feeling much of anything at all. Emotions require energy, is the thing, and I'm in very short supply of that. In a way it's freeing: at other times of year, when I think of something I might do, it exists as an actual possibility, with all the potential for anxiety and guilt that that entails, but now I just think, ahahahahaha -- no, and tell myself to hold that thought until I am no longer living in a light-starved hell.
Yesterday I ate a chocolate bar, which is notable because doing so required me to first open the wrapper, something which in the preceding days I had not found the wherewithal to do.
I promise you that this is very funny when you are the person living it.
I do actually have some energy. My shoulders ache from snow shoveling, which is good, because I got that ache being very careful about my technique so as to avoid wrenching my back. I spent a couple of hours rolling around in a wonderful horrible new plotbunny today -- I'm not going to write it, but it's good to know that at least my ideas haven't dried up. I even, unrelatedly, managed to make someone laugh.
I keep thinking of posts I might make -- about recent events on Person of Interest; about the fact that Almost Human is eating my brain; and then there's one I really do want to write someday, even if it's in a very disorganized fashion, about some of the zillion and one largely disparate factors that seem to contribute to whether a given story is judged "good" -- but I guess I'm making this one instead.
(Edited to capitalize the last word of Person of Interest. Oh touchscreen keyboard, don't you know it's unkind to kick a person when they're down?)
Yesterday I ate a chocolate bar, which is notable because doing so required me to first open the wrapper, something which in the preceding days I had not found the wherewithal to do.
I promise you that this is very funny when you are the person living it.
I do actually have some energy. My shoulders ache from snow shoveling, which is good, because I got that ache being very careful about my technique so as to avoid wrenching my back. I spent a couple of hours rolling around in a wonderful horrible new plotbunny today -- I'm not going to write it, but it's good to know that at least my ideas haven't dried up. I even, unrelatedly, managed to make someone laugh.
I keep thinking of posts I might make -- about recent events on Person of Interest; about the fact that Almost Human is eating my brain; and then there's one I really do want to write someday, even if it's in a very disorganized fashion, about some of the zillion and one largely disparate factors that seem to contribute to whether a given story is judged "good" -- but I guess I'm making this one instead.
(Edited to capitalize the last word of Person of Interest. Oh touchscreen keyboard, don't you know it's unkind to kick a person when they're down?)
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And: I promise you that this is very funny when you are the person living it. Yeah, been there. I'm not sure if the detachment that allows the sense of humor is a good thing, but I suspect it is, in the end.
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I'm fairly sure that detachment with humor is better than just the detachment, at any rate. *wry*
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It's so nice to know I'm not the only one with that kind of humour about my own mental illness. Mostly it only makes sense in my own head, and it tends to worry people if I try to say it out loud.
*hugs*
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*hugs*
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*hugs* I'm sorry the depression is hitting you hard.
(I find also that when the time changes, and it gets dark earlier, I get really screwed up mentally and physically.)
*hugs again* I hope you had a reasonable Christmas. :)
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How was your Christmas -- reasonable enough, I hope? I'm not really looking forward to New Year's, either, but I agree that Christmas is the bigger hurdle, so congratulations on surviving it, at the very least. :)
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My Christmas was okay, I was a little stressed out leading up to it, but it was fine. Getting a new car radio tomorrow (which I desperately need)!
I'm... a little antsy for New Years, simply because if I go back to the dorm for new years (and I have to be there on the 31st at least) my friends are gonna probably want to drink and party, and I don't really do either. :)
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(are you drinking age? I realize that I don't know.)
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Staying home for a fun but quiet evening sounds perfect to me. I haven't even thought about my plans; I guess I'll probably just treat it like any other night. Which is basically my ideal. :)