Like, it's called dream logic for a reason.

[enemyofperfect]

Some things I dreamed last night:

• Someone published a book that consisted of a lot of glossy photos of him and his dog cosplaying as Calvin and Hobbes and having adventures. It was pretty cool, actually.
• I had a really earnest conversation with a high-ranking religious official of some kind (I base this on his ornate hat and robes and his air of compassionate dignity) about the fact that I owned and sometimes used a razor. In hindsight, his doubts about this practice don't seem to mesh with his clean-shaven look. Maybe he used a depilatory? Anyway, I'm pretty sure we were on an airship. And maybe in the middle of a murder investigation.
• A guy was telling his female BFF that once they carried out their nefarious plan to wipe out the rest of humanity, they'd have to repopulate the earth, so he thought they should spare his girlfriend, too. And a dude of his BFF's choosing, if she wanted, he added magnanimously.

I've been told that I have weird dreams, but I don't get it. What on earth do the rest of you dream about?

(I will concede that the dream from the night before last about the con artist who felt marginally regretful about her plan to rip off Harold Finch and his new husband, Bucky Barnes, was a little out there.)

Comments

the probably by-now-unexpected reply!

[enemyofperfect]

Aaah I have had the weirdest couple of weeks, this comment has languished for too long! Or I guess they weren't really that weird, but there was time with relatives and worrying about my cat (don't you worry, though; he's actually fine) and not getting enough sleep and, like, Winter Soldier fanfic demanding to be read.

Winter Soldier fanfic can take a lot out of a person.

But hello, here I am now! And obviously it's been ages now since your disturbing dream that you were even more worried about because it didn't disturb you more, but still I sympathize. Dreams really are so weird -- I think sometimes there is stuff to learn from them, but also, they just contain so much randomness.

and she said "It seems that you are very loved."

Awww that is totally the sort of thing that'd get tears flowing for me too! <3 And yeah, "emotionally compromised" is a good term. That's kind of where I've been lately -- even when I'm feeling okay, it's a little more precarious than I would like. But I think it's really great that you looked for safe outlets for what you were feeling.

Sometimes when I was really depressed I used to just lie in my room and just... not really be in my body anymore. I mean, it was there, but you know how if you're wearing a jacket that's big enough you can pull your arms in the sleeves and huddle up inside it that way and just leave the sleeves empty? It was like I pulled my self out of most of my body, until the only part that had me in it at all was that I kept my eyes open to stare at the blank ceiling.

Fun times.

Anyway, though, I think it's really natural to feel fragile for a while after having a really intense surge of emotion/wrung-out period afterwards. Or at least, I often do.

I'm glad the day after that was nicer. :D

I'm pretty sure most of my dreams are in alternate universes of some kind -- and that's the ones where I'm even me in them, which is not a given at all. I get buildings that go on forever in mine, too! A lot of the time they're weird complicated houses -- sometimes the house I live in, like I go upstairs and we have seven extra floors, all attic -- but sometimes they're schools or hotels or theaters or palaces or, like, grocery stores.

*hugs* You are totally welcome, you awesome rambler! Also I want you to know that I thought about you on Mother's Day -- I totally failed to say anything, obviously, but I'm glad you got through it even if you maybe did have a kind of rough week. By the way, you still have my email address, don't you? I'm not really that much better at responding to emails than to comments or asks, but that's always an option, jsyk.

<3

Re: the probably by-now-unexpected reply!

[catharsis_logs]

I've been a little bit worried about you, but then you posted today on Tumblr and I felt a little bit better. :)

I've been very limp and uncommunicative lately. I'm gonna be moving back to my dad's house on friday next week, which will be... strange. I'm starting to get to the point where I don't feel right at home anymore? It's a strange feeling. I'm planning on seriously helping my dad clean up the house this summer though, and wear a lot of tanktops or go shirtless. Maybe get stung by a wasp and find out if I'm allergic or not finally.

I've got an eportfolio to finish by monday that I've whined enough about so I won't do it here.

It's really stuffy in my dorm room and your post of ADHD sent me into a panic really quickly for no reason. I guess it was time to be panicked. It did help me get off my butt and do something today.

I ate breakfast with my friends this morning and then took a two hour nap and woke up thinking it was Sunday for some reason.

I really resonate with your description of your depression. When I describe my depression to people I usually describe it as a time in my life where *I* as an entity that thought and cared about itself, just... didn't exist for a while. And then I got back on my meds and things started hurting again, but the terror of emptiness was enough to make me feel kinda fucked-up grateful for the pain. Like the time I woke up after back surgery and the nurse told me to wiggle my toes and I wiggled my toes and that made the board up my ass worth it. (I don't notice it much anymore except for tiny stuff but when I woke up in the ICU I could feel my spine and those rods in my back for the first time. Like all the nerves were lit up like a Christmas party.

*coughs* Anyway, talk to you soon? How have you been? Having some at least reasonable times? *hugs warmly*

Re: the probably by-now-unexpected reply!

[enemyofperfect]

Awww, I'm sorry I worried you! But thank you so much for paying attention! And for being patient with me when I kind of disappear. <3 <3 <3 I've just been -- I don't know. Feeling overwhelmed by some family stuff, with the unfortunate side effect that I'm having a harder time staying in touch with friends. I think my life should feel calmer a week from now. I hope it will, anyway.

I hope things go okay with wasps! o_o Also, I'm kind of envious of your tank top plan. But happy for you! It does sound strange, to have home stop feeling so home-like, although I guess eventually most of us do find new homes elsewhere.

I'm sorry you got hit by panic after reading the ADHD post -- I guess since you say for no reason, you can't really say why, but still, panic's not much fun. It was so weird for me to read that description, though -- it just feels like such an interesting... possible piece of the puzzle that is me. And the extra interesting thing is that I feel like it might fit a lot of my family members, too, I don't know.

Oh wow, when I was super depressed, not feeling exactly like an "I" of the sort that most people seem to feel like or be was a huge part of it, although I'm not sure if it was the same for me as it was for you -- I think I pretty much kept hurting no matter how far it went, although sometimes that was more distant than others. But it just felt like... like I couldn't keep enough of me awake to really function as a full entity. It felt like being a bundle of broken instincts that didn't add up to anything whole. I don't know. It wasn't the best way to feel.

On the other hand, I've definitely been grateful to be able to hurt emotionally sometimes, because it used to be that I just couldn't handle that at all, so I'd just do my best to turn it off entirely, and that always ended up hurting me so much more in the long run, so being able to let myself feel the hurt when it arises instead of locking it up somewhere so it can just haunt me indefinitely, that's -- well, that's something I still feel really glad of, when I manage it.

That's interesting, in a painful-sounding way, about being able to feel the rods they put in. Kind of randomly, I'm somehow realizing for the first time that your surgery might mean that you know kind of how Harold Finch felt after his -- although obviously you had yours for completely different reasons, so I don't know how much it'd really compare.

*hugs back* I think I'm in the stage of overwhelmed where it's hard for me to keep track of my life much farther back than a day. But yeah, there's been some reasonable times, thank you for asking. <3 A few people liked a thing I posted, which is nice, and I've had some good interactions with family, which is good even if it's also been a bit much for introvert me. Plus something else that's turned everything in my head up to eleven is that a trans guy showed up on a show I watch, which, you know, never happens. I think I need to watch that episode like three more times minimum; I can't even figure out how I feel about it, I just know that I'm feeling A LOT OF THINGS. *flail*